There are times when life sucks. I feel like lately, mine has been sucking a little bit more than usual. I hate to complain I really do, b/c I have so much to be thankful for. I have so much to life for, and so much love in my life. However, when I am feeling down, I need to vent. Right now... prepare yourself, because I am going to vent....
Thanksgiving was hard this year. I miss my girlfriend (we'll call her Andy). We broke up about 3 months ago, and we still live together. Living together has as many ups as it does it downs, but for some reason I wouldn't trade it for anything. I can't explain why Thanksgiving was so hard this year without her, she has never come with me to Thanksgiving...but I missed her more than I have since we broke up. For the most part, I just wanted to cry, and hold her in my arms. I miss her touch, and I miss the feeling of comfort and love that comes over my body when we hug, or lie together or even just softly touch. It's something that is hard for me to explain b/c it's like magic. It washed over me, and well I guess that's what you'd call true love. Now you might ask why we are not together if I still have these feelings for her...well good question. It's just not right for her right now. I try to tell myself it's not right for me either, but some days I am not so sure. But if you love someone you need to let them go right?? I hope that's right b/c that is what I feel like I'm doing. Letting her go for her....b/c it's what she wants, and needs, and well I want her to do what is right for her. But FUCK...I miss her terribly.
Aside from missing Andy, there were some hard family moments too. My Aunt and Uncle have been going through a nasty divorce. There is a lot of money involved the kids are of course being used as leverage in the whole thing. Long story short, my Uncle refused to let the youngest son stay at my Aunt's house for an extra night b/c all of his cousins were there. So instead of being flexible, my Uncle threw a part so that J had to go to his house for the night. He is not allowed in my Aunts house b/c in the past he has done psycho things. Anyways he wanted one of my Aunt's aero beds, and she said no. We were all using them, and well it's also just he principle of it. He decided to barge in the house and run upstairs to try and take a bed. My Aunt and cousin ran up after him, and yelled at him to not take anything b/c it's not his. He then punched my Aunt in the face and pushed my cousin to the floor. My Uncle then ran out of the house and grabbed J, and left. My Aunt has bruises and scrapes on her face, and a two day headache. Everyone was really shaken up. People started fighting and having outbursts. It's bad...and it's only going to get worse....FUCK.
Oh, and of course...Mom, I miss you more than ever. XOXO
Thanks for listening to me vent..I needed that. I hope that this blog can be something positive, but well, we all have bumps on the road, and someones writing is what gets us over the hard part.
